2010 Goals: Knitting Projects

Happy 2010 everyone!
I know it's been since, what, March? that I've last posted? It's been an interesting last six or so months. I took a break from school to figure out if I was going to stay enrolled or not, started going to see a therapist to help me understand why I had been drinking too much and obsessing over food and worrying over everything in my life. Georgia, my therapist, tells me I am a perfectionist and I need to focus on just a few goals at a time. She's right. It amuses me, I have to admit, because I've always known I'm a perfectionist.
So, I have renewed my love of knitting and dug out some really cool, pretty cotton yarns from my workroom desk. Even dug out some knitting books that I hadn't looked at in a long time. I've picked out a cool pattern for a felted scarf and asked mom to show me how to work some of the stitches. She can't do as much knitting anymore because of her hands, it hurts her hands too much, but she is going to show me how to do it. I'm really excited about it. Just looking forward to spending time with my wonderful mother. She is a calming influence in my life. Her and my daddy and my husband. Mom represents safety and peace and love. I'm looking forward to sitting with her showing me how to get started on these projects.

That's one of my 2010 Goals: Knitting projects. Stay tuned for more posts on my other goals I have.

The Breast Cancer Three Day

It's been awhile but I am back to setting goals for myself once again. This years goal is to walk sixty miles in the Breast Cancer Three Day. I've been interested in participating in this event since it started as the Avon Walk, but never did. Lately, though, I've been compelled to really try to take a look at the world and what or who needs help. I've been feeling alittle restless and trying to figure out what else I could do in my life. Yes, yes, I am busy and active, working fulltime; going to graduate school; but I felt like I needed to do something else, not only to challenge myself but to make some kind of a difference to a cause.
I have to collect $2300 by the end of August/early September, and I've managed to collect $150 so far. I have never been much of a seller and am alittle intimidated about the collection of the funds. However, in talking with people, like my co-workers, and it's amazing to me how people are willing to help us out. My co-workers were all excited about figuring a way for me to raise funds. We brainstormed the other day, so it truly amazes me and makes me realize people are looking for ways to make a difference, but sometimes don'tknow how or don't want to plan it.
I'd like to think that someday, when I leave this earth, I made a difference to someone's life. It is something to strive for.

If you are interested in submitting a donation to this fabulous cause, please go to the following website:

www.the3day.org

Once on the site, click on the buttong "donate" off to the right of the screen.
You will be brought to "search for participant".
Type in my name. Viola! There is my donation page! You can also print off a copy of my donation form if you would rather mail it in. Cool huh?

Memories

This is a fun pic... me, Kendra and Jen when we were YOUNG, carefree and fancyfree. Those were the days when we thought we were invincible. Isn't that hilarious? We would get all dressed up, almost like we were going to a halloween party, and go dancing at Citiclub, which was a Goth Bar at the time. Thing was, pretty much anyone came there. It was a good time... picture a total dive bar... you went through these doors and up two huge flights of cement stairs and there Cityclub was. You were searched at the door, and then set free to go boogie the night away!
Only recently, within the last few months Kendra, Jen and I made contact with each other. It's been an interesting journey to see how each of us have "grown up" and gotten on with our lives. Kendra and Jen's daddies passed away... awful. Both from cancer. We all got married and missed each others weddings. Isn't that silly? That makes me sad. But onwards, right?

Anyhoo... so I thought I'd share some funny pics from when we were kids...

My Mother In Law

My husband has an unusual family... there is Dolly, my mother in law... she lives here in Redford but has a barber shop over in Plymouth. the way the economy has been, it looks like she is going to be losing her shop. She wants to move it to her house, which is adorable and would be safer and perfect for her. She has three children: Amy, the oldest. Judy and Joe, her twins. She raised her children by herself while putting herself through barber college, then establishing her own barber shop. She'd been in business for 25 years and I think the thought of having to move her business to her house is killing her mentally.
Dolly used to smoke dope and drink... party... she was not loved by her family. Her mother had her out of wedlock, then married another man, by the name of joe. Her mom had two other girls with Joe, and they all treated Dolly like unwanted garbage. All of Dolly's life, she strived to please her mother.
It seems after her mother passed, Dolly hasn't been the same. Lost, sad. Angry. The kids grew up in a difficult household..filled with anger and fear. Now, the kids don't want to have anything to do with Dolly, blaming her for everything that happened to them. It creates quite a bit of tension during family gatherings.
Last night I went to Dolly's house to put eye drops in her eye because no one else would do or wasn't available to do it. I found Dolly crying, sweating like she had a fever, and just upset. She unloaded on me about how all three of her kids hate her, and she knows she wasn't the best mother, but she just wishes for the love of her children. Especially Joe. she thinks Joe hates her. I asked joe about that, and he said he wasn't sure if he hated her or not...

I called mom last night after talking with Dolly and thanked her for providing me with such an awesome and stable childhood. As loopy and crazy as I thought my parents were, we truly were blessed with a stable home, loving parents, gramma maki who doted on us... so many wonderful opportunities that were given to us.

Treasure family... it's all you have in life....

Weight Watchers and Shoes

It's been a long time since I last posted anything on this site! WOW! Merry Christmas and all that jazz! How have things been with me, you ask? Well, good, to a point. Joe and I are still dealing with his damn clot. He was hospitalized last week because they (the doctors) found another clot behind his knee. THEN we found out it was part of the original clot that they found in May. BUT... get this: Joe found out this week that his clot was quite large... I guess it started at his mid-calf and made its way up his leg to his thigh. And NO ONE told him. WTF????? I don't get it????? I'm alittle pissed off about that, needless to say. SO... at this point, It looks like Joe is going to be getting a second opinion over at Providence. UGH. It's taken a toll on the two of us. I just want my Joe back.
I also started going to Weight Watchers in October, and have lost 6.2 pounds since I joined the actual meetings. Since I've been in Weight Watchers online and the meetings, I've lost a total of 14.4 pounds. Not bad. I just wish I could be small like I was before I met Joe. I know it's because I "fell off the wagon" (like Oprah) and didn't watch what I was eating. And drank too much beer. Gotta love that, hm? I feel like I'm constantly wondering when my next meal is going to be and what I'm going to eat. I have started purchasing Lean Cuisine's and Smart Ones because it's just easier. Joe is a huge fussy eater, and a meat and potatoes man, which means it's totally not weight watcher friendly. It's just so hard. I bought this amazing cookbook last week that has some wonderful recipes in it. I want Joe to take a look at the book and try to pick out recipes he might like to try.
ANYHOO... so I've been going to FitZone and having a blast. I just wish I could just drop off the pounds I've gained... let's see... I gained 40, need to lose 26 more pounds. Weight Watchers wanted me to lose 23 pounds by January 16th, but it doesn't look like I'm gonna make it. Talk about a bummer. I desperately want to lose this weight... I find myself depressed because I worked my ass off to lose the weight initially, but it's a constant struggle and finding my perfect size... but what IS my perfect size????? Sometimes I see these people who starve themselves and I wonder, could I do that??? GOD, I hope not. Ew.
Enough of the depressing shit... I went out Christmas Shopping today and really had a great time. Ended up over at Payless, buying myself some cute ass brown suede boots, these cute black oxfords and then two pair of sporty shoes. I love shoes. Who doesn't???

Unemployment

Today is the last day of my unemployment, officially. I still have two more days of freedom, then it's back to work at Raymond James Financial over in Southfield. This is one of the headquarters... it's on Telegraph and Civic Center Drive, and the kicker? It's seven miles away! Isn't that something? My drive to Dearborn was 12 miles one way! I'm saving so much in drive time, it's amazing! Part of me feels rather sad, because I've enjoyed being off and doing what I want, when I want. In the past two months, I submitted over 40 resumes and had three job interviews. I got a job with the last company I interviewed for, obviously. Good company... they have 100% tuition reimbursement... that was shocking! I'm going to be training for awhile, then I think I'm going into operations. Right up my alley! I participated as an extra for a pilot being shot up in West Bloomfield for HBO... that was the other day. Even tho we sat around ALOT, it was worth it. I had a great time and am going to do it again! It inspired me to submit my resume and headshot to RealStyleonline, and am ordering a couple headshots to send to i group. cool! Rio is going to do my new headshots, as soon as I get some cashola. I'm going to use my check for the shoot as part of the headshot payment, and I get paid at Raymond James on October 15th.
I also joined a gym - FitZone for Women, a mile and a half from my house. I pay $29 a month to do whatever I want. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to a cardio blast class there. Then it's on to get my nails and feet done. I had my hair done yesterday. I painted my workroom. Had lunch with my girlfriends from Ford.
It's funny, because I honestly am sooooo glad I am out of automotive. I know not all businesses are perfect, and there is still a risk of losing my job, but it's a great new start for me. I'm excited and can see myself there for at least five years.
There are so many things going on in my life to be positive about... things are doing well, and I am hoping it continues. The spring was so difficult, and I'd like to see things turn around.
I had to take a pay cut for this job, but it's okay. I don't see it as a huge loss. Why? It's a step forward, you know? I think it's exciting!

Why Does Everything Have to be such a Drama?

This weekend is Joe's cousin's wedding and I swear to god, you'd think it was a broadway production or the president coming into town. What I want to know is, why does everything on his side of the family have to be such a damn production? I've already been yanked around in every direction today because Joe may not be able to go if the doctors tell him he can't ride in a car for the hour and a half to two hours it's going to take to get to Harsens Island, so I was freaking out on how I was going to get there and blah blah blah. So then Judy calls me and goes on a tirade about how Joe is starting to use this clot business to back out of everything. I have to say in some ways, she is right, he does use his clot to back out of a LOT of stuff, but then again, I can't doubt what he says about what the doctor is telling him. He got a bad INR result back today, so now he's in a mood.
On top of that, I may be losing my job in two days. I'm calling Thursday Judgement Day because Joe goes to the hematologist to find out the results on his first round of blood tests and I find out what's happening with my job. I'm not sure how much more stress I can take right now, to be quite honest. I don't want to go to this damn wedding w/o Joe and pretend to have a good time. I don't want to deal with Joe and his bloodclot anymore. I don't want to deal with not having a job because right now we have NO MONEY in our account... barely enough to get by, truth be told.
This just seals my whole decision in not rushing into have a baby. I see how happy Amy is right about it all and I think "maybe I will do it" but then again, right now I can't see it in the cards. That would be a big hell no.
What to do, what to do....